just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
