he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
