im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
