Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
