Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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