she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
