haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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