i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
