Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
