sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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