mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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