What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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