last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
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ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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