Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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