direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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