She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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