your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
