A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
