Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
