He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
