Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
did you just send me my own nude
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
