I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
