so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
