This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
