I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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