ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
tell me about the eggs
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
