Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Please don't give away my fajitas
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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