You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
