I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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