I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
