just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
