I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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