a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
