erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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