Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
