You really coming over, don't trick.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
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I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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