if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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