Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
