i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
