i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Rumble strips road head = magical
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
