i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
