Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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