You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
