The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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