This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
