I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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