I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
