I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize