Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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