Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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