this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
