when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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