he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
