I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
