Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
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