You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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