I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
