I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
being pregnant is like rehab
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
