btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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