He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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