dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
