I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
