cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
