it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
