This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
two words: eviction party
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
