I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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