I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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