Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
