Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
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I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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