thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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