he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
